Where the Grass is Greener.

Upon my exit from university, with no degree obtained I might add, I had decided that my life should take a new direction. I had been in University for about five years, and had bounced back and forth from studying Music and Philosophy to Business and Psychology. Depending on the circumstances in my personal life, I would change my mind daily. Work, School and Home-life did not run as smoothly as I expected and it got me down so far that I became depressed. As a newly wed and mother of three, it would be safe to say that things were quite hectic and I kept thinking that I could always find a way for things to get better. The grass is always greener somewhere else, isn't it? With all the bumps, bruises and scrapes I kept fighting, but in the end . . . crashed. Yep, right on my ass, after I figured I had fought so hard. It got to the point where, my husband and I were no longer interested in each other, and my schooling took the great nose-dive. The three kids were taken care if but not played with and they were completely miserable. Everything, and I mean everything, seemed to fall apart at the weak, frail seams they were sewed together with. I could go on about how horrible it was. The build up to the crash was the constant harassment from Children's Aid and the insults from people who didn't know us at all. We were stereotyped as a low-income family with lazy parents. I guess everyone has their bottom point.

My new direction involved dragging my children and husband to a city they had never seen, where jobs were supposed to be better and the quality of life higher. It was a new beginning and a fresh start. Of course, It wasn't really all that fresh considering there was a massive student loan to pay off and all of our unpaid bills from the city we moved from needed to be taken care of too. At the time, there was no telling me that this wasn't going to work, it had to.

It took us a couple of months but we finally found a place and were settled. Our one support was my mother who also lived in this new and exciting place. She had moved a few years earlier with her husband, so we were not completely left in the dark. I got a good job that just about covered our bills and my husband also got a job shortly after. Things were starting to pick up. That is, except for the fact that I hated my job. Well, not so much the job itself, but the people I had to deal with and the new attitude I had to take on. Yes, I know I may sound a little whiny but thats how I felt at the time. Our children seemed to cope with the move very well and we were even playing and having a good time with our kids. We both seem to notice the little things even more. Our home became much more well adjusted and orderly. It could still be better, but it was definitely a step up form where we were. So yes it seemed as though life had become better since we moved. It almost seemed as though the grass really was greener on the other side.

Then autumn came. The grass turned a nasty shade of brown and decay stretched across this nice rosy picture.

I suppose I was just a little too over confident, inconsiderate and stupid in that I didn't really take into account my husband's feelings toward this move. He didn't really want to go to begin with. He became incredibly home sick and was ready to pack up and go home despite the costs. I then found my self trying to convince the most stubborn man in the world that it truly is better here and he could really do well for himself. I knew he was slipping deeper and deeper into the abyss that we like to call our past. He no longer wanted to do anything anymore and didn't care about himself. I tried to give him comfort for a short while but it wore away to frustration. As I selfishly explained the method to my madness, I had let go of the notion that I was the one who brought him here and I need to help him, not blame him. In the midst of repairing our marriage, another problem was occurring. Although I was doing a great job at work I was back stabbed and in the end was laid-off, five short weeks after I was promoted.

Despite all of this, a strange thing had happened, We were starting to become better parents and learned to treat each other better. It wasn't how we were doing according to our careers and finances, it was how we dealt with what we had. Anyway, I now pose the question. Is the grass always greener on the other side?

I have no idea. But for now I think I'll keep planting the seeds to keep it green where I am now.